Love Marriage


This is one mail that I received. I am posting it here cauz of two reasons.
1. I thought it was an OK read.
2. I had to update my blog.

Read on...

It was quarter to one at night when I hit the door bell. My wife opened the door. She had been awake as usual. Waiting for me had become a daily routine for her. Unlike I expected, the house looked normal. I put my laptop on the recliner and went straight into my bedroom, freshened up and got busy with the book - "An autobiography of a yogi."

My wife came in with a piece of cake in her hand. "We waited for you till 9. But it was getting late and your parents pushed to carry on and finish", she said handing over that cake to me. Something stung me deeply for it was my daughter's first birthday. I had almost forgotten that I had a daughter and a feeling of guilt told me that I did not deserve that piece of cake; it felt heavy when the first bite went down my throat.

"Karthik," she used to call me by name, "look at me", she said. I turned my gaze away from the book onto her face. I saw tears in her eyes. "Have I, in the last two years, ever asked you why you come home late every day? Have I ever asked you to take me out with you, even to the temple that you go alone every weekend? Have I ever told you how it feels to attend family functions without you?" I turned back to the book. "Karthik, please look at me, will you? I need an answer today."

I always knew that I would have to face this sometime. "No, you wouldn't understand even if I tell", I replied. "Really? What is it? Please tell me. I know that you agreed to our marriage only because you did not want to disappoint your parents. I know that I'm your wife only for the sake of it. But why should Gaargi suffer because of all this? Doesn't she deserve to be called your daughter? What is her fault?" my wife asked with tears running down. She had never cried in front of me. I looked at my one year old daughter; Gaargi was special to me, for her name reminded me of a very special person in my life.

"Srishti, I am really very sorry. I don't know how to tell all this and I'm not sure how you'll take it. You are not my first love. I had never liked any girl in my life until I met a very nice person who, I decided, would not only be my first love but also the only love in my entire life", my eyes started to fill up, "I can never imagine my life without…" "Your mother told me. I know everything but I wanted you to tell", she interrupted. I wasn't surprised; two years is a very long time for a secret to be kept in a family. It looked like she wanted me to somehow raise this and then she started.

"Karthik, have I ever made you feel that I had been betrayed by someone who I thought would be the only person in my life?" Her question confused me for a moment, 'Is she talking about me?' I asked myself. "He, not you, was the first man in my life and I too had dreamt that he will be the only one ever. But our relationship collapsed after 5 months of our engagement when I came to know that he was already married. My parents were more than broken when they found this out, for they were the ones who had found this person through some marriage bureau. I went into depression and had attempted suicide twice, but somehow survived. See, even God does not want me. So I decided to live on as life takes me, although I knew that I will not be able to forget any bit of it."

It took some time for all this to sink in. I was perplexed.

"Karthik, I know that you too had given all the love of your life to her. I also know that she never reciprocated your love and that she was never ready to accept you as her man even though you were ready to sacrifice yourself for her. But don't you think it should always flow both ways? Don't you think that it is not worth crying over someone who cannot feel your love? Is it fair on your part to ignore someone who is craving for your love and actually deserves it? Look into my eyes. Don't you see anything which suggests that I deserve to be loved by you? I know Karthik, I know that there's some space in your heart that has been made for me. I can see it in your eyes too. When I look into them I do not feel sad that there's a lot of pain in it. Instead I see that part of it which tells me that I'm not completely unwanted. So I ask you the same thing that you had asked her, 'Please give me a chance'. Don't tell me that you cannot love me even a little. I know you do and Gaargi is the proof."

I could not speak more. Srishti too could not. She rested her head on my shoulder. For the first time I kissed on her forehead.

I guess that is what one has to learn. First love is very special. It is something to be remembered for a lifetime but not something for which an entire life can be wasted in grieving over it.

Sometimes you get what you want...
Sometimes you get what you need...



  1. Great Dig I'd say

    First love is special, it indeed is, its evident by all of us, we all go through this and a major chunk walks out heartbroken, lucky ones are those who make up ends meet up.

    Falling in love is a rare, wonderful, miraculous state of being for any individual, if true. I'd stress again on if true.

    General panoramic view of people about being in love is just “being together” or “sharing thoughts/feelings/happiness etc”

    I think being in love, or rather your first love grows beyond all this mentioned above, its just not about liking someone for what you like them for, its about loving them for the way they are.

    If I had to be like/love someone after they make changes in their individuality or personality, it would be business, as there are terms and conditions involved, it aint no business.

    We generally fail in opening ourselves to various verticals of love, and are stuck within a stereotypical sphere; We just want to be loved, but, we fail to explore ourselves, and the enhancements that develop within ourselves when in Love.

    Being in love is beautiful, and I'd say it’s chosen one who gets to fall in love with the person they really love

    Somehow we forget loving ourselves for what we are, we forget opening up, and I mean opening up to ourselves.

    With busy schedules, office timeliness and various un-mentioned commitments, we really run short on time to sit down, all alone, or with the person you love, to analyze, realize and visualize life.

    We are busy, and I'd say BUSY pleasing other people which is lame to a certain extent, If we are in love with someone, its majorly for the reason that we want to be “Loved " and this feeling is more dominant than to love someone else.

    We at times, or I'd say majority of the times fall in vicious circle of getting hurt ensuring that we are being or in love, I see people who'd love their partners, but wouldn't trust them, I understand that its not the easiest thing to do, but for any relationship, and I mean any relationship to go ahead, you need is trust, and without trust its impossible to provide a substantial foundation to any relationship, I haven't seen god, nor have my parents, But... I believe in god, is reason being that I ' trust ' my parents, and they wouldn't lie to me, that's my belief.

    Now, if you see, I have a strong relationship with God, only and sole reason being my trust in my parents.

    We fail, and we fail miserably in attempt of making someone fall in love with ourselves, with consistent amount of insight, ingenuity, and enough restraint, you may truly make someone fall in love with you, but only and only if he or she doing so has the potential for loving you to begin with.

    There is lot of science involved behind falling in love with someone, Yes, there are reasons and statistics behind this

    Everyday, in our lives, as we drive to offices, walk through the shopping mall, or while sipping coffee, we first meet someone, or even just see someone at a distance to whom we feel attracted, the attraction doesn't necessarily go both ways, we operate with a mind set that is the result of personal experiences within the framework of our own life, we think, we are the man or woman of someone's dreams, but unless this individual is able to also perceive this, that dream never comes into realization.

    We need to bring and nurture out those qualities that would make us the " person of someone's dream " but how ?

    How would you find that common ground on which to build a strong, meaningful relationship in the future that wont leave you hurt, or in tears when its all over.

    To start with a relationships, then into a good relationships take time to develop and grow, its not a one day business, we all have good mind, a caring heart, but how often is that we bring it into act.

    More importantly is to make someone feel loved, rather than love, and unfelt.

    We need to be brave, walk up to the person and tell them how much you love them, and how much they matter to you rather than asking " Do you love me " ? Such questions are nothing, but a challenge to your partners feelings towards you

    We need to give more attentions to smaller details of your relationship, I dont insist to be on micro level, but if you'd wonder, when we walk down to a coffee shop, we know what we are looking for, medium or large, light or dark in appearance, low or high in caffeine, whether decaffed or not, low-fat or non-fat milk, we have an eye for every small detail, but why not in a relationship.

    Everything that exists in this world, dies, hard to suggest, but that is the fact, everything has death rate, even a relationship does, it all depends upon us, how much effort you kick in together to keep a relationship alive, small gestures of appreciation, token of love, and comforting your partner would do wonders, and if there is something that wont die is, the faith, the belief, that both of you would be together may come hell or high water.

    I feel sad, and sorry for any instance that I'd hear about people split from a relationship, probably they dont know what they are doing, and how badly they'd miss it later on, its always better to realize value and worth of a relationship while you are in it, once you step out, its painful.

    Signing off

    Dr Orange

  2. Hmmm.. nice thoughts. Thanks for giving so much time to comment. The comment is longer than the post. :) Just wondering why d\was it posted as anonymous? Think the blogger does not want to be related to topics like love in spite of having such wonderful thoughts about it.. strange...

  3. It does have a signature while signing off, the last line, guess someone didnt read it through :(

    Dr Orange

  4. I meant the name of the commentator...Its anonymous..


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