Breaking News: Pub is a Time Machine!

BREAKING NEWS: It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.

It works like this:  It is a well-known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double whisky), you're moving at speeds closer to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture.  According to his Relativity Theory, anybody moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub. Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine: for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub.

A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 o'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes:" Why is it so quiet?? OMG!!! It's half past one!! WHAT HAPPENED!!??" 

The answer, of course, is Time Dilation!! I've tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except Fellow time travelers) have been able or willing to understand the sound Scientific basis of this phenomenon. Have you? 

Thank you Deepan for the mail! :)

Cheers!
:)

Old Man & the Diamond Ring

An old, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend. 

The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something much more special." 

The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back. "This one's $40,000." The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man said, "I'll take it!" 

The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, "By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds. I'll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon." 

Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man saying, "There's no money in that account!" 

The old man said, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"


Cheers!
:)

Zindagi hai jiye jaati hun

Zindagi hai jiye jaati hun,

pal pal ek safar tay kiye jati hun

Dil kuch kehta hai, dimaag kuch aur,

Is dil-dimaag ki jung mein pise jati hun,

Zindagi hai jiye jati hun..

Dard nahi gussa hai mujhe,

Zubaan pe nahi aata,

andar hi andar ghute jati hun,

Aankhon ka paani behta hi nahi,

gale se hi nigal jati hun

Zindagi hai jiye jati hun,

Dil-dimaag ki jung mein pise jati hun..

Dukh ab sama chuka hai dil mein

Is gusse ka kya karun, samajh nahi aata,

Daant kas leti hun kabhi, kabhi mutthi bana ke,

Apne aakrosh ko bas,

mann hi mann mein sahe jati hun,

Zindagi hai jiye jati hun,

Dil-dimaag ki jung mein pise jati hun..

Dil bhara hai, samundar jitna gehra,

Kisi se kuch kehne ka jee nahi chahta,

Dil dimaag ko samjhata hai, aur dimaag dil ko behlata hai,

Din hai ki kat-ta hi nahi, fir bhi bas hase jati hun,

Zindagi hai jiye jati hun,

Dil-dimaag ki jung mein pisi jati hun..

Move on

"I have said yes shivani." As I read these words on my mobile, I went numb. It struck me as lightening. Like I could not feel myself. It was 30th October 2011, 11:20 pm. It was a message from him. He had said yes for some girl. He would be marrying her soon.

Though I was expecting the 'final thing' to happen any of these days, and I thought I was ready for it, even then, the sms came as a shock. I didn't know what to do. I replied with my numb mind - 'Okay... All the best :)". I could not sit amongst everybody anymore. I went to my bed. My neck was choking. But I could not do anything. I could not cry. I didn't want to share it with anybody. I lied down. I felt my eyes go moist but I didn't want it to flow. I stopped them. I did not cry.

I tried to sleep. I couldn't. Four years of relationship was streaming like a movie in front of my eyes. I felt helpless. Suffocated. I thought I need sleeping pills. I won't be able to sleep ever now. I need pills. May be I should eat some pills and die. I should die.

I tried to sleep again. No negative thoughts Shivani. You're a strong girl. You will move on. Don't think about the past. MOVE ON. Would he be sleeping now? May be he is drinking because he is sad and alone, just like me. Oh wait, he is not alone. He has said yes, means he likes that girl. "I will not marry anyone my parents like, unless I really like her." He had told me. Oh he is NOT alone. He has a new person in his life now. He must be talking to her on phone. My neck choked again. Don't think about it Shivani. Dont think about it. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I could not.

I want to smoke. I can't. I dont have a cigarette. Ill smoke on my way to work tomorrow morning and on my way back to home. I'll smoke everyday now. May be that'll help. NO! Smoking is bad. No smoking. No smoking. Ill be fine. Its okay. Happens. I knew it had to happen. Its okay Shivani. Move on. Dont think about it. Sleep.

Is there an SMS from him on my mobile? I checked my phone. No. Good. How must he be feeling right now? He must be sad too. I'm sure. Yes. Okay. On my way to work tomorrow, Ill speak to him.. oh No. I can't. Its over. Yes Shivani its over. FOREVER. You will never speak to him now. He will never call you now. You will never meet. Ever again. Choking. Deep breath. Deep breath.

I imagined my life without him. It was incomplete. I was a fool to have hopes till 11:19 pm on that Sunday night. I had plans of meeting him over the weekend after my classes. "I have said yes shivani. I have said yes shivani. I have said yes shivani." I repeated this sentence a million times in my head. He has moved on. He likes some other girl. May be its Tina, the girl he met earlier once and liked. I saw her on Facebook. She was pretty.  Because he cant say yes to a girl in one meeting. He must have had her in mind from sometime now. Or maybe its that Ghai girl. He has been meeting her recently. May be. Whoever. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SHIVANI. Just sleep. You have to go for walk tomorrow morning. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

Its over. Yes accept it. Its over. He has made his choice. He loves his parents. He is a good son. You know that. You always knew that. He had told you. He can't be blamed. I'm not blaming him! I can't. He is a good boy and I respect his decision. I'm okay with it. You have a choice? He has moved on Shivani. He has chosen someone else over you. He has got your substitute. No wait, she is not a substitute, she is a replacement. You have been replaced Shivani. Now move on. It's time. It's over. Be strong. Let go. Move on Shivani. Move on.