Friday, November 18, 2011

Breaking News: Pub is a Time Machine!

BREAKING NEWS: It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.

It works like this:  It is a well-known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double whisky), you're moving at speeds closer to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture.  According to his Relativity Theory, anybody moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub. Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine: for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub.

A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 o'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes:" Why is it so quiet?? OMG!!! It's half past one!! WHAT HAPPENED!!??" 

The answer, of course, is Time Dilation!! I've tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except Fellow time travelers) have been able or willing to understand the sound Scientific basis of this phenomenon. Have you? 

Thank you Deepan for the mail! :)


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Old Man & the Diamond Ring

An old, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend. 

The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something much more special." 

The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back. "This one's $40,000." The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man said, "I'll take it!" 

The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, "By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds. I'll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon." 

Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man saying, "There's no money in that account!" 

The old man said, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Zindagi hai jiye jaati hun

Zindagi hai jiye jaati hun,
pal pal ek safar tay kiye jati hun
Dil kuch kehta hai, dimaag kuch aur,
Is dil-dimaag ki jung mein pise jati hun,
Zindagi hai jiye jati hun..

Dard nahi gussa hai mujhe,
Zubaan pe nahi aata,
andar hi andar ghute jati hun,
Aankhon ka paani behta hi nahi,
gale se hi nigal jati hun
Zindagi hai jiye jati hun,
Dil-dimaag ki jung mein pise jati hun..

Dukh ab sama chuka hai dil mein
Is gusse ka kya karun, samajh nahi aata,
Daant kas leti hun kabhi, kabhi mutthi bana ke,
Apne aakrosh ko bas,
mann hi mann mein sahe jati hun,
Zindagi hai jiye jati hun,
Dil-dimaag ki jung mein pise jati hun..

Dil bhara hai, samundar jitna gehra,
Kisi se kuch kehne ka jee nahi chahta,
Dil dimaag ko samjhata hai, aur dimaag dil ko behlata hai,
Din hai ki kat-ta hi nahi, fir bhi bas hase jati hun,
Zindagi hai jiye jati hun,
Dil-dimaag ki jung mein pisi jati hun..