Monday, August 31, 2009

Fully integrated system

This is a scenario after we would have a Fully integrated ID card system. Life would be completely different! Read on!

A person calls Pizza hut to order a Pizza. This is how the conversation flow is-

Operator : Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your...
Customer: Hello, can I order....

Operator : Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?
Customer: It's eh..., hold........ ..on...... 889861356102049 998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr Kumar and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888.
Customer: How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : We are connected to the system Sir
Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator : That's not a good idea Sir
Customer: How come?

Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir.
Customer: What?? What do you recommend then?

Operator : Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator : You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir. Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator : That should be enough for your family of 5, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00
Customer: Can I pay by! credit card?

Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car...
Customer: What??!!

Operator : According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car... registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.
Customer: ????

Operator : Is there anything else Sir?
Customer: Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator : We normally would Sir, but based on your records you'realso diabetic......
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2023 you were be convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... .?
Customer: [Faints]

Cheers! ;)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Must Read Blog Post

Till date, I thought I was a funny blogger but when I came across this one, I was like.. OMG! I stand nowhere. He had written a post on an article that appeared on Rediff.com about two scientists who have invented a plane that will run on solar energy. They claim it will work in night as well. The blog is funny but the comments are applaudable. Read On!

Suggestion
by Purushottam Abuj on Jun 30, 2009 01:38 PM

"Actually Government should use the geographical advantage of we being on the opposite side of USA . We should dig a through hole from the center earth which will connect India and USA , so we can put wire through it. So in India 's day time sun light and solar energy can be given to USA and they can give us the same in their day time. Also we can fit an train through it so that we dont have to use planes for travelling.

Similarly Finland and New Zealand can be connected using a vertical angular hole.
The best part is if we drop something from Finland it will automatically come down to New Zealand due to gravity, so lot of energy can be saved which we lose in transportation and travelling. This saved energy can then be stored in everyday pencil cells and can be sold at Rs 14 each. This additional revenue can then be
used to educate the people and the children of farmers so that they will have earning sons and they will not sucide."

Comments:

Re: Suggestion
by SUNDEEB NAIR on Jun 30, 2009 01:50 PM
"Brilliantest idea ever spelt. But when digging hole from India to US, we should take care when digging at the end, otherwise the excavators & engineers, laborers etc. will fall out of the earth into space. I differ reg. pricing pencil cells at Rs.14/-, due to inflation, drought the price should be raised to like 14.50"

Re: Suggestion
by venky iyer on Jun 30, 2009 01:48 PM
"purshottam ur definately a mahapurush,i must recommend you to padma bhushan nd vidya bhushan awards for u"

Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 01:46 PM
"Making hole in earth is not a good idea. We can just break sun into 4-5 parts and fit one part above India , one above US, one above Finlad and one above New Zealand."

Re: Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 01:48 PM
"Sanjoy, I have already nominated him for Noble prize. Please don't forget to watch India TV tonight ;-)"

Re: Re: Suggestion
by manoj lakhanpal on Jun 30, 2009 01:57 PM
"This is realy a grt idea guys.. one more thing we are missing.. How Bhart Ratan Purush (Honai wallai) can forget to utilize MOON.. We need to workout to utilize moon light in night rather than digging our motherland.. ..."

Re: Re: Re: Suggestion
by Purushottam Abuj on Jun 30, 2009 02:01 PM
"Yes I agree as Moon glows in the night it means surely it is having some sort of energy, My suggestion is Next time when we launch chandrayan, connect some wire to its end and then send to earth. So the energy can directly reach from Moon to Sriharikotta. By the way, dont forget to another wire for Earthing, becoz I am not sure if Moonthing works."

Re: Suggestion
by Gaurav Kaul on Jun 30, 2009 01:55 PM
"thank god you posted this here and not on a foreign website.otherwise all indians would be branded mental patients ...."

Re: Suggestion
by Ungli on Jun 30, 2009 01:52 PM
"what an idea sirji,:) "

Re: Suggestion
by chin chu on Jun 30, 2009 01:59 PM
"and what if all the kids playing the hole fall into it? Like it does happen everywhere around these days..pahle borewell me girte the...abhi isme girenge. he he"

Re: Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 02:02 PM
"Ismein girenge to US pahunch jaayenge...."

Re: Re: Re: Suggestion
by chin chu on Jun 30, 2009 02:08 PM
"and dont forget the garib janta who goes out every morning with LOTA PANI to do the daily pooing stuff...what if somebody does it in the hole? US will get a taste of India ..."

Hahahahahahaa…

Cheers! ;)


Baba's

This is a conversation that took place between (Y) and a marketing guy (X):

X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba's
X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it aninternational company???
..
..
Y: No, He is my roommate.

Cheers to all the bachelors of the world!!!!
Married people (or soon-to-get-married) can observe 2 minutes of silence to mourn the loss of this privilege.


Cheers! :)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A strange Bird

This is one of its kind bird that I have seen anywhere. Gosh! God is so innovative! :)




video


Cheers! :)





Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sad Story

Sad story - Raped by own Brother... (not for sensitive viewers)

Before you go down to the actual story please take a deep breath and wait for a minute as to calm down so that you can cope after this disturbing scene you are about to witness...

Crime is everywhere in today's world!
















Cheers! ;)




Thursday, August 6, 2009

A cute peice

This is a cute piece I came across while FBing... I thought few of you might like to read it.. :)
Its about a girl and what she expects. Read on!



When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummie cause she thinks shes stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she loves you
she really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you;
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does

When she says it's over
she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

-Treat her like she's all that matters to you

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes

-When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

-Let her know she's important.

- Don't talk about other girls around her

- Kiss her in the pouring rain

- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:
"Whose ass am i kicking baby?"

Cheers! :)



Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Break up Letter




A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:







Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:


Dear Becky,


I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky

----------------------
Cheers! ;)