Thursday, September 30, 2010

Things learnt from CWG


I received this mail a few days back from one of my friends. You might like to read this.

Over the past few weeks I have learned a lot, thanks to the CWG :

I have learned that Indian standards of hygeine are different from those of western countries - filth , paan stains , dirty toilets , animal paw marks on bed linen etc are acceptable . Chalta Hai , Jaane bhi do yaaro .are our true anthems

I have learned that our standards for building bridges , Metros , walls , buildings , false ceilings , aasmaan ko chooti hui imaaratein , in fact everything including grain silos/warehouses ( What the good Lord giveth the rats take away ) , is very different - " iskee guarantee kaun deta hai ? ! "

I have learned that Indian sense of punctuality and competence is very different from those of developed countries - we firmly and unwaveringly believe that we should wait till the last minute even if we have years of notice . This is the way we do things here , we are like this only . The alarm clock syndrome is deeply rooted in our psyche --- mind it !

I have learned that diseases like dengue , H1N1 etc are hazards to be lived with and not died of ; they make us tougher in the long run ( I mean our average longevity has increased hasn't it ? ) - these foreigners have such low immunity levels ! And they just love India bashing ( apart from bashing Indians in their countries )

I have learned that when the Govt makes a mess - whether it be Kashmir or CWG , the Army has to bail them out ( or is it "Bailey" them out ! ) .

I have learned that corruption has been institutionalised here - it has been honed to a perfect skill . Isn't it better that public officials make money on the side rather that we pay them well and increase out Income Tax burden ? So much so that developed countries are now planning to outsource their corruption model programmes to India ! Why do you think that Cameron and Obama are beating a path here - best of all it does not rob their citizens of jobs . Even Judges here can be divided into 2 clear categories - "definitely corrupt" and " definitely not corrupt " - no ambiguity there .

I have learned that "the buck stops here" has a different connotation in our great country - it does not mean that " I accept responsibility" - it merely means that " The Big Bucks stop here" .

I have learned
that judgement in tinder box cases can be "postponed" so that the news/communication black outs , school/college closures , bundhs , rioting , bus burning etc are also postponed else it would have been the proverbial last straw on the camel's back and more countries' athletes would have pulled out if it all had happened yesterday/today . What an Idea Sirji !

I have learned that the "Dope" test is only to be administered to CWG athletes and not the CWG OC officials - the former may have failed in large number but the latter would have failed it wholesale .

I have learned that security is the tightest and most focussed ever and no commonwealth delegate need have any fear - after all the 2 Taiwanese were not on the security radar since Taiwan does not belong to the Commonwealth - we cannot protect everyone , everywhere at all times ...c'mon guys !

I have learned that unlike other countries where citizens take enormous pride when their nation hosts a major sporting event , go out of their way to make their city friendly , hospitable and colourful , Delhites are fleeing away in droves lemminglike . This is their way of ensuring that there is less crowding and pollution on the streets of Delhi so that foreign athletes can be more comfortable . True Indian hospitality - Guest is God !

Now I have learned so much that my brain is suffering from overload .

So now as a relaxation I slip into thinking of 2 possible scenarios :

1. "The worst is yet to come" scenario - stadia crumble during events , starter's guns does not go off , electronic score boards go on the blink , top foreign athletes die of some disease , traffic snarls that prevent officials/athletes reaching venues , swimming pools sans water ( or filty water ) , parallel/uneven bars/roman rings / horses etc collapsing in use , javelines/discuses/hammers that kill stray dogs on the field , 2 track events start at the same time , boxing ring ropes that snap when a boxer backs into it , airconditioning that fails , the baton gets stolen . A R Rahman gets a sore throat ( or dengue fever ) , terrorist attacks and/or other assortment of "minor glitches/hitches"

2. "The best is yet to come" scenario - everything is hunky dorey , all goes off with clockwork precision , A R Rahman's song is a mega-hit and the murky past is quickly forgotten - in other words a grand success , a crowning glory , a Shining India ! And we will bid for the Olympics .

If this was Pakistan the outcome would have been fixed , but this is India the land of glorious uncertainties !

Jai Ho


Ba Ba Kalmadi, have you any shame
No sir, No sir, we're having a Common loot Game

Crores for my partners
Crores for my Dame

And crores for me too, for putting India to shame


:|

Thank you to Deepan for the mail.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Ayodhya Issue Solved!

I received this on my email today. A simple and effective solution to the Ayodhya. Nobody wants to keep it now, after the decision was announced. Have a look..


By the way if you re arrange the letters "Suresh Kalmadi" you get - "SIR U MAKE LAKHS". Strange, isnt't? I dint write it, its there all over the internet... :P

Cheers!
:)


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

CWG - The Real Game

The Real Game: CWG - Khatron ke Khiladi with Sheila Dikshit




Cheers!
:)