I got this in my mailbox today. Its an old mail but I laughed again after reading it. Thought Ill share it here... Read on!
The Divorce letter
Dear husband,
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Wife.
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
The Reply
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as Carla (woman). I hope that's not a problem.
Cheers!
:)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Some Laws on Chicks
Some laws on chicks:
Rule: Even if you got her out alone, just when you are about to let her know about your feelings, she will spot a long lost friend (I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)
Corollary to Rule: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything in the ratio 9:1.
Axiom: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (some smiles for the guys)
If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that.
The nicer she is... the quicker u will be dumped.
The more the makeup, worse the looks.
99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company.
The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed.
The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
Theory of relativity - The more you run towards a hot chick, the more she goes away from you.
The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
All the good girls are either nuns or married. The rest go around with you and ruin ur money, health and leave you a total wreck.
The more seriously you like a girl, the more seriously her dad will hate you.
The love you shower a girl with, is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you.
Cheers!
:)
Rule: Even if you got her out alone, just when you are about to let her know about your feelings, she will spot a long lost friend (I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)
Corollary to Rule: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything in the ratio 9:1.
Axiom: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (some smiles for the guys)
If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that.
The nicer she is... the quicker u will be dumped.
The more the makeup, worse the looks.
99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company.
The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed.
The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
Theory of relativity - The more you run towards a hot chick, the more she goes away from you.
The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
- You are dressed badly
- You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
- Have a bad hair day
All the good girls are either nuns or married. The rest go around with you and ruin ur money, health and leave you a total wreck.
The more seriously you like a girl, the more seriously her dad will hate you.
The love you shower a girl with, is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you.
Cheers!
:)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Drinking Problem
I received this on a mail today. Found it funny. You should also read this and smile. :)
Cheers!
:)
:)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Black and White
This took place on a BA (British Airways) flight between Johannesburg and London. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.
"Madam, what is the matter," the hostess asked.
"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."
The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class."
Before the woman could say anything,the hostess continued:
"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."
She turned to the black man, and said,"Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class."
At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.
Cheers!
:)
"Madam, what is the matter," the hostess asked.
"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."
The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class."
Before the woman could say anything,the hostess continued:
"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."
She turned to the black man, and said,"Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class."
At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.
Cheers!
:)
A Cold Winter
It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man Responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Is it going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it’s definitely going to be a very cold winter.' The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely, ' The Man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy...’
Cheers!
:)
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns
Funny! Musr read for all Ladies and Men with good sense of humor. :)
Thank you Karan for this awesome post! :)
Cheers!
:)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Difficult Decision
In a small town in India, a person decided to open up his Bar business, which was right opposite to the Temple. The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.
The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't.
Cheers!
:)
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.
The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't.
Cheers!
:)
Friday, November 27, 2009
FB - Behenji Mayawati's Page - Ha Ha Ha!
You HAVE to see this ok! You just have to!
(Click to enlarge, You cant afford not to!)
Cheers!
:O)
(Click to enlarge, You cant afford not to!)Cheers!
:O)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
You know you are a Delhiite when...
You know you are a Delhiite when.....
1. You drink only on Monday, Wednesday , and Thurday to Sunday evenings. And try not drinking on Tuesday.
2. Treating a friend means - Daaru Shaaru te kabbab shabaab.
3. Even in the most posh colonies, you hear, "Aaloo lelo !!!, Bhindi le lo !!!! Pyaaz le lo !!!!, Tamatar le lo......"
4. And you hear women asking the vegetable vendor "Bhaiyaa dhaniya hari mirchi nahi diya!" [Even with Half a kilo Carrot - Dhania & Hari Mirch is expected free ] ;-)
5. A place to meet is Mocha, (CCD), Barista, Hookah.
6. You use the word "setting" or "jugaad" at-least once a day.
7. You have not visited either of - Qutub Minar, Red Fort, Lotus Temple . It is only for tourists, so Delhiites say.
8. You ride on the cycle rickshaw in NOIDA (more populary known as NEODA) - haggle over the price, but still pity rickshaw walla's condition and give him what he asked.
9. You glare at people who call Gol Guppas as Pani Puri!
10. You always ask the vendor "Bhaiya yeh Gol-Guppe Aate ki hai ya Sooji ke?"
1. You drink only on Monday, Wednesday , and Thurday to Sunday evenings. And try not drinking on Tuesday.
2. Treating a friend means - Daaru Shaaru te kabbab shabaab.
3. Even in the most posh colonies, you hear, "Aaloo lelo !!!, Bhindi le lo !!!! Pyaaz le lo !!!!, Tamatar le lo......"
4. And you hear women asking the vegetable vendor "Bhaiyaa dhaniya hari mirchi nahi diya!" [Even with Half a kilo Carrot - Dhania & Hari Mirch is expected free ] ;-)
5. A place to meet is Mocha, (CCD), Barista, Hookah.
6. You use the word "setting" or "jugaad" at-least once a day.
7. You have not visited either of - Qutub Minar, Red Fort, Lotus Temple . It is only for tourists, so Delhiites say.
8. You ride on the cycle rickshaw in NOIDA (more populary known as NEODA) - haggle over the price, but still pity rickshaw walla's condition and give him what he asked.
9. You glare at people who call Gol Guppas as Pani Puri!
10. You always ask the vendor "Bhaiya yeh Gol-Guppe Aate ki hai ya Sooji ke?"
11. Schooling is best is Delhi not because of CBSE, but because you've had school cancelled thrice due to cold in winters & summer vacations preponed due to sudden increase heat in Summers and at least two Rainy Day off during Monsoon.
12. You have been to a wedding at a Mehrauli farmhouse at least once.
13. You understand all important words in Punjabi & punjabi "helping verbs" like teri maa di, teri bahen di... oye madar @#$% ... oye bahen @#$$. Almost every Delhiite understands Punjabi to an extent. PUNJABI unites everyone.
14. You call the waiter in the restaurant "boss" or "Pappey" & tack on "yaar" "bhai" to almost every sentence.
15. You know that Pappay Da Dhaba or Kake Da Hotel has better butter chicken than Taj. You've at least tried it once! And you see a BMW, a Porsche OR a Mercedes parked outside it!
16. You describe practically every other person on the planet as "Vella". ('Idle' or Nikamma in Punjabi).
17. You see middle-aged Aunties wearing Gucci shades and holding LV bags having Gol-Gappas in GK or Bhelpuri in South Ex along with Diet Coke !
18. You call every stranger 'Bhaiyya'.
19. You refer to East Delhi as 'Jamuna Paar'.
20. You refer to AIIMS as Medical.
12. You have been to a wedding at a Mehrauli farmhouse at least once.
13. You understand all important words in Punjabi & punjabi "helping verbs" like teri maa di, teri bahen di... oye madar @#$% ... oye bahen @#$$. Almost every Delhiite understands Punjabi to an extent. PUNJABI unites everyone.
14. You call the waiter in the restaurant "boss" or "Pappey" & tack on "yaar" "bhai" to almost every sentence.
15. You know that Pappay Da Dhaba or Kake Da Hotel has better butter chicken than Taj. You've at least tried it once! And you see a BMW, a Porsche OR a Mercedes parked outside it!
16. You describe practically every other person on the planet as "Vella". ('Idle' or Nikamma in Punjabi).
17. You see middle-aged Aunties wearing Gucci shades and holding LV bags having Gol-Gappas in GK or Bhelpuri in South Ex along with Diet Coke !
18. You call every stranger 'Bhaiyya'.
19. You refer to East Delhi as 'Jamuna Paar'.
20. You refer to AIIMS as Medical.
21. Pretty girls as Totta, Maal or Bamb (Punjabi for Bomb).
22. Aashiq mizaz boys as Majnu di Aulad !
23. You dont buy tickets for a music concert or cricket match, but try to use political contacts... of the deputy secretary of the chief secretary of the Minister of State for Khadi.
24. You overtake everyone from the wrong side and stare into his/her eyes while doing so.
25. You have at least two cars and a motorbike at home.
26. And you have fought at least once every month with neighbors over parking...
27. You park your Car and take a Auto-rickshaw to Lajpat Nagar / Rajouri/ Kamla Nagar/ Karol Bagh. But CP, you don't get parking space easily, yet you go always in your own vehicle.
28. And then you say apni Kanvense (conveyance) howe na ta badi Kanvinyance (convenience) hondi hai ji !!!!!
29. You've hit 120 kmph at Nelson Mandela Marg and waited for midnight to do it.
30. You have bribed a traffic cop (Mama) at least once, every month.
22. Aashiq mizaz boys as Majnu di Aulad !
23. You dont buy tickets for a music concert or cricket match, but try to use political contacts... of the deputy secretary of the chief secretary of the Minister of State for Khadi.
24. You overtake everyone from the wrong side and stare into his/her eyes while doing so.
25. You have at least two cars and a motorbike at home.
26. And you have fought at least once every month with neighbors over parking...
27. You park your Car and take a Auto-rickshaw to Lajpat Nagar / Rajouri/ Kamla Nagar/ Karol Bagh. But CP, you don't get parking space easily, yet you go always in your own vehicle.
28. And then you say apni Kanvense (conveyance) howe na ta badi Kanvinyance (convenience) hondi hai ji !!!!!
29. You've hit 120 kmph at Nelson Mandela Marg and waited for midnight to do it.
30. You have bribed a traffic cop (Mama) at least once, every month.
31. You know that a farmhouse has nothing to do with cattle or farming. It is luxurious hangout for whole night.
32. You use "contacts" (jugaad) for everything, from getting movie tickets to restaurant bookings to play-school admissions.
33. You have had Anda parantha outside Vikram hotel and Bun Omlette at Dhaula Kuan, Kulfi at Karol Bagh, Gol Gappe at India Gate, Dosa at Madras Hotel, Chana/Kulcha at Scindia House and Chaat at UPSC.
34. Metro rail is your Pride but you travel in your Car.
35. You call people from north east 'chinkis'.
36. You think EVERY South Indian comes from ' Madras ' and is Madrasi.
37. You feel indicating which way you are going to turn your vehicle is an information security leak.
38. You are a good driver coz you are correct in your guess of what the driver in the front vehicle will do.
39. The only time you went to the Chidiya Ghar (Zoo) was on a school picnic.
40. You expect around 10 FM STATIONS in every city! Woho.!
41. DESPITE all the good and bad........You still Love Delhi ...
42. You keep singing ..... Dilli hai Dil Walon ki..... Oye Balle Balle !!!
Cheers!
:)
32. You use "contacts" (jugaad) for everything, from getting movie tickets to restaurant bookings to play-school admissions.
33. You have had Anda parantha outside Vikram hotel and Bun Omlette at Dhaula Kuan, Kulfi at Karol Bagh, Gol Gappe at India Gate, Dosa at Madras Hotel, Chana/Kulcha at Scindia House and Chaat at UPSC.
34. Metro rail is your Pride but you travel in your Car.
35. You call people from north east 'chinkis'.
36. You think EVERY South Indian comes from ' Madras ' and is Madrasi.
37. You feel indicating which way you are going to turn your vehicle is an information security leak.
38. You are a good driver coz you are correct in your guess of what the driver in the front vehicle will do.
39. The only time you went to the Chidiya Ghar (Zoo) was on a school picnic.
40. You expect around 10 FM STATIONS in every city! Woho.!
41. DESPITE all the good and bad........You still Love Delhi ...
42. You keep singing ..... Dilli hai Dil Walon ki..... Oye Balle Balle !!!
Cheers!
:)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Cauz I want to write it...
Its been so long that I came online,
these silly ppl deactivated the web in mobile of mine.
I was out of office for a week..
enjoying my didi's wedding and enjoying my sleep!
Couldnt update my blog, or FB or Twitter,
Cauz I was also working as my cousin's baby sitter.. :)
Now that Im back, Ill do the posts with a touch of wit
and so I write this silly thing.. cauz I want to write it...
Cheers!
:)
these silly ppl deactivated the web in mobile of mine.
I was out of office for a week..
enjoying my didi's wedding and enjoying my sleep!
Couldnt update my blog, or FB or Twitter,
Cauz I was also working as my cousin's baby sitter.. :)
Now that Im back, Ill do the posts with a touch of wit
and so I write this silly thing.. cauz I want to write it...
Cheers!
:)
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