Enough with the W omen & household

Recently I came across this comic. And I started to think, why are such comics made? So many articles written? So many debates happen? Because it's a concern that needs to be addressed. Because it needs to change. And because literature brings about change in the society. Awareness brings change. Social media acts as a catalyst to changing thoughts. And it is working. Females have started questioning distribution of responsibilities in the house, equal pay-cheques at work, taking care of kids/pets, and so much more. But there is a problem. 

It's just the women (not all) who are pro gender equality. Very few men support this thought. It's not difficult to guess why. Gender equality favours women. Men only have disadvantages from it. Be it extra work at home or distribution of power at work or a wife/girlfriend who is not financially or emotionally dependent on her husband. It only threatens the power a man holds over women. So very naturally, most men do not like this 'new age concept'. These disagreements between thoughts bring differences in modern day relationships. While women are seeking equality, men are trying hard to maintain their stature. Arguments like 'I can't cook everyday after work, I'm as tired as you are!' 'I don't know how to cook. I was never taught a women's work.' 'Why can't you wash the clothes sometimes? I don't enjoy doing it either.' 'I'll mix the colours & screw up. I have never done it.' 'Why can't you make the bed even when I get up before you?' 'I will get late for work. I don't like doing it.' are common in most houses. No wonder so many marriages are falling apart, not just in west but also in our country. 

Makes me wonder, are the sacrifices women make, worth it? Is everything a girl is letting go of by accepting small things, not adding to the reason we are not seeing radical changes in the way they are treated?

Change is never easy. But if it's important it needs to be done. And its high time we understand the importance of this one. Small steps matter like drops in the ocean. Let's keep adding one drop at a time.

माँ के अनेक रूप

कहते हैं माँ भगवान का रूप होती है। सच है। तो एक दिन मैं सोचने लगी, मेरी माँ कौन सी भगवान हैं?

क्या वो लक्ष्मी माँ हैं? क्यूँकि उन्होंने मुझे हमेशा धन धान्य दिया है? जब भी मुझे पैसों की ज़रूरत थी, मेरी झोली हमेशा भारी थी। 

क्या वो दुर्गा माँ हैं? क्यूँकि मेरे जीवन में जब भी कोई मुश्किल आयी तो उन्होंने मेरे दुश्मन का सर्वनाश कर दिया। बुखार, दर्द, झुखाम कुछ भी ज़्यादा दिन माँ के सामने टिक नहीं पाए!

क्या वो यशोदा माँ हैं? क्यूँकि उन्होंने पूरे जग से ज़्यादा प्यार अपनी बेटियों को किया है? हमारी ग़लतियाँ माफ़ करी और हमें ख़ूब मक्खन भी तो खिलाया है!

या फिर वो नंदा देवी माँ हैं? क्यूँकि उन्होंने अपना आशीर्वाद हमेशा ही हम पर बनाए रखा है। जब भी हम संकट में थे उन्होंने आ कर हमारी रक्षा की।

मेरी माँ किसी एक भगवान का रूप तो हो ही नहीं सकती क्यूँकि उनमें तो ये सारे ही गुण हैं। तब मुझे समझ आया मेरी माँ सब भगवान का fusion हैं! लक्ष्मी + दुर्गा + यशोदा + नंदा देवी = माँ! 

मेरी भगवान स्वरूपी माँ को जन्मदिन की बहुत बहुत बधाई और ढेर सारा प्यार! 

आपकी बेटियाँ 👯‍♂️

Let’s be a little more Indian

Recently I did a few courses with Art of Living where I got in touch with Indian mythology & importance of our traditions. I also started working for a firm where majority of my colleagues are foreigners. And the way they feel about India & it’s culture is way more positive than how I feel about it. All this has started to change something within me.

In our current lifestyles, living in nuclear families, away from home & parents, how many festivals do we celebrate with all the rituals & traditions? Hardly any. Most festivals in metro cities have become an excuse for parties and fun. I’m not saying it’s wrong, that’s another way to get together with people you love and have a good time, but what about our traditions? How many of us from this generations know even half of what our parents know about Indian culture? Not many.

My father always emphasised on celebrating all festivals with full enthusiasm & rituals and pushed us to follow all the steps even if it took longer. He would make sure he visits everyone he knew on Holi & Diwali and he would take us along even when we didn’t want to go. I didn’t understand the importance of meeting everyone during festivals, and exchanging sweets. I wanted to play with colors & burn crackers. 

After I got married I heard stories of how my mother-in-law used to put ‘aipan’ (the traditional art drawn on doors and floor in Diwali to welcome goddess Laxmi) on 22 doors and hundreds of steps. It took her 3 days just to do that. She used to make ‘singhal’ (traditional home made pahadi sweet) from dawn to sunset because they were distributed to all family members, neighbours and more or less the whole town, since everyone knew everyone. 

I have always celebrated Diwali with my parents. After marriage I made sure we visit Nainital, my hometown, to celebrate with both my families even when we had to pay a huge amount to buy last minute tickets. Diwali without family sounds incomplete.

There was just this one year we couldn’t make it and had to celebrate in Bangalore. Diwali is not as big a festival in South India as it’s in North India and so Harsh didn’t get a leave. I had optional holiday so I took it. I had to, it was Diwali! I wanted to make sure I do all that Maa & Maa in law do back at home. So I pushed all my limits to celebrate it in the same traditional way. Did all the preparations alone since there was no family to help. And then I invited my cousins to do the Pooja & have dinner with us. That was all the family I had in a new city back then. I remember how my back hurt by the time I finished doing everything. When I sat down with my dinner plate on the table I sighed with satisfaction that I did what my parents would do. I was happy I did all of it but you know what still the best part was? Looking at my husband & cousins do Pooja together. Even if I had done everything and it would have been just me & Harsh, it wouldn’t have been the same. All of us together was what made the difference.

Indian culture teaches us the importance of being with families. It’s a part of our culture. And however western we want to be in our way of living, we must not forget that being Indian is what defines us. I have realised that running behind western way of living may look cool in today’s time but doing it at the cost of losing ourselves & our values, isn’t fine. 

People from all over the world are following Indian culture & we Indians are running away from it, feeling its outdated & backwards to be have Indian values. I had few foreigner friends wishing me Navratri & how they felt about it and here I was not even knowing what devi is worshiped on what day. I felt very small that day.

We must save our traditions, and way of living, to pass it on to our future generations, or else we will lose the essence of our being. Our country’s rich heritage and culture is what makes it stand out from the world, losing it would be a loss to the entire world. 

And that’s why I am here, in Nainital, to celebrate the biggest festival with my families. To learn more and to share more with generations to come. I still am quite western in a lot of ways I think, thanks to the way we have been bought up in metro cities, but I’ll try to keep the good parts of the Indian in me alive for as long as I live. I’m not trying to become an extreme Indian with no respect for other cultures, I’m trying to find a balance of accepting myself as an Indian who follows good parts of western culture but doesn’t forget her own. It’s not easy, because it’s not considered ‘modern’ & ‘cool’ and sometimes it’s not very convenient & takes effort but it sure is who I want to be from now on.

Better late (realisations) than never!